I took a trip down "memory lane" early this morning. Browsing through my old photographs from my first sessions last year, reading stories of how I felt during those times, and just seeing how raw & new everything was to my eyes. There were so many firsts and I was constantly learning something new. My work expanded daily, so it seemed!
Here I am today, just over a year since business began and I am feeling stuck & repetitive with my work. I definitely have found a style, which I love and it perfectly suites who I am as an artist. Though when I see my work present day, I feel like I'm getting too caught up in my posing and making sure everything is perfect. I need to refresh my memory of those feelings of when everything was new! I missed the organic emotions that came through myself, because I literally had an open mind to everything I was doing.
I almost miss those days, before I began drowning myself in hours and hours of blog watching through inspirational images. I absolutely love being inspired, but I kind of miss being scared of what to do next. I feel too comfortable and rehearsed these days. I want to have those questions run through my mind again, that make my sessions feel more like a personal adventure.
There are so many aspects of photography that I truly hope I can one day experiment with. Fashion is definitely at the top of that list. I would also love to be able to create more substantial & conceptual pieces. Maybe one day even have my own gallery up in the city? There are so many things I'd love to do...
I just feel closed off to experimenting lately, because I've been so busy with client work. PLEASE don't get me wrong though - I am SO completely blessed that this year has been going even better than the last. I only continue to hope for such greatness throughout the upcoming years! I just need to continue to remind myself of the inspiration that flooded me last Summer. I guess I really was just a huge blank canvas, who has now learned so much and finally found "herself" in her work. That was the biggest struggle for me.
I still have a few shoots here and there where I can bring back those emotions, recharge that energy and turn it into some of my best work to date! I just sometimes want to forget about the rules, techniques and just dive face first into something different.
Maybe I sound crazy for thinking these things, but I am totally okay with these emotions. It means I still have that drive and passion burning inside of me, which I want to have everyday for the rest of my life. I'm just ready for more growth as an artist. I'm ready to make mistakes that turn into something beautiful, teach myself to never hold back and to always keep an open mind to everything.
Oddly enough, I guess you can kinda say I inspired myself this morning. Past "me" spoke out to present day "me" and reminded me of the beautiful, ever growing road ahead of me :)